Top Ten Ways To Tell You Need A Co-Sysop:

10. You are spending more time with your bbs than Wife/Significant Other
9. You Haven't Replied to any Mail to you thinking I'll Get to IT
8. You test a Door locally and it works but Locks Up when a user
tries it. You of course don't realize it because you don't read the
mail.
7. You decide to add 10 National Echo nets with a total of 1000
message areas and just found out how much time it Will take.
6. You rebuild the entire BBS just for fun even though you have 25
other Sysop's calling for NetMail.
5. You are about to go on Vacation
4. You have no one to blame when things break
3. You have poor Admin Skills.
2. You have not Idea what to do next
1. You are Lazy!!!!!

Top Ten More Ways To Tell You Need A Co-Sysop:

10. Your wife gives birth and you find out about it in netmail.
9. You think Pepsi and potato chips make a nutritionally sound meal.
8. You know everything about your users but have no idea how old your
firstborn is.
7. You no longer read the newspaper because everything you need to know
is posted in netmail.
6. You have time to expand your conferences and setup new doors, but
don't have time to change a lightbulb.
5. You've learned to get by on three hours sleep.
4. You can find money for a 16.8 D/S, a 1 gig hard drive, and a CDRom,
but can't afford to fix that rickety step out front that someone
will undoubtedly break their leg on sometime soon.
3. You try to hit the F key to screen capture some interesting images
off the TV.
2. You say ROTFL and no one at work understands what you're talking
about.
1. Your speech is so peppered with BBSese that people think you've
learned a new language.

I couldn't kil the quoted text; someone might've missed it earlier. . .

Made me think of a time before there werre sysops, when you only had
Operators! & during that time, one Operator stood out from the rest: The Bastard Operator From Hell!

His first story:

'm really bored. You know how bored you get when work's going on and on and
on, and nothing interesting is happening, and you're listening to a radio
that picks up ONE station on FM, and it's always the station with the least records in the city, about 5, and one of them is "You're so Vain" which
wasn't too bad a song until you hear it about 3 times a day for a year, and *EVERY* time it plays, the announcer tells you it's about Warren Beaty and
who he's currently poking, someone you'll never sniff the toe-jam of, let
alone meet, let alone get amourous with. And EVERY time someone mentions
Warren Beaty, someone says that he used to go out with Madonna too, and have you seen "In Bed With.."

AND THEN, someone ELSE will say "It wasn't really about Warren Beaty, it was James Taylor" and the first person will say "What, `In bed with Madonna?'",
and they laugh and everyone else laughs, and I slip out the Magnum from under the desk where I keep it in case someone laughs at a joke that's so dry it's got a built in water-fountain, and blow the lot of them away as a community Service. I figure that I'll get time off my sentence if I ever kill someone
by accident who's got a life.

So visitors are getting pretty thin at the moment, and the Quick-Lime Pits
are filling up rapidly, and all I've got to do is the full backups and maybe
I can go home.

So, to relieve the boredom, I get some iron filings and pour them into the
back of my Terminal until it fizzes out (Which doesn't take all that long, surprisingly enough), then call our maintenance contractors and log a fault
on the device. Sometimes they'll send someone who knows what they're doing,
but it's a lot more fun when they don't - which is about 98% of the time.

So they maintenance guy comes in, and I can tell he's NEW because the photo
on his ID actually LOOKS like him, not like the head engineer, whose photo's
a black and white tin-type (he's that old).

Maintenance Contractors always dress up nice, with a tie and everything
because they believe that a customer will trust a nicely dressed guy with
their million dollar equipment *just* because he's got a nice tie..

Because he's NEW and ALONE, he's what you call an appeasement engineer, the
new guy they send so they respond within the 4 hour guaranteed response
period. (Things are getting better and better) Your average appeasement engineer is about as clued-up on computers as the average computer "hacker"
is about B.O, and their main job is to make sure the power plug is in and switched on, then call back to the office for "PARTS". The really keen ones will sometimes even take a cover off the equipment and pretend that they see this stuff all the time. I wonder what sort today's is...

"You got a dud terminal?" he asks pleasantly

I tell him yeah, and bring him into the control room.

"Which one is it?" he asks, confused by the fact that only one of them is smoking.

"It's the Model Three" I say, giving NOTHING away.

"Ah, the old model three!" he says knowingly, without a clue what a model
three is, or which one of the three terminals it is, which isn't surprising,
as I just made it up.

"We get a lot of Model Three problems" he says nodding "So what actually happened?"

Sneaky, but not good enough. I'm not going to point it out to him.

"It just went dead" I say, in luser mode.

"I see. Could you just recreate what you were doing so I can check the unit
out when it's ready for operation?"

Very Sneaky. I decide to let him off the hook.

"Look, I've got to go to the toilet, there it is over there" I say, pointing
at our Waffle-Iron.

"But that's a Wa..." He says, then stops. He's a beginner, and it's just possible that the company has a line of terminals that look like waffle
irons. He bites.

"Sorry" he says, smiling again "for a minute there I thought it was a Model
2!"

A reasonably good save, but it won't save him. "Huh, it's nothing like a
model 2! *THAT'S* the model 2" I say, pointing to the expresso machine.

He nods and I leave, which means he's got to take the iron to bits, otherwise he knows I won't believe he's worked on it. I give him a couple of minutes to get the element exposed then wander back in.

"So how does it look?" I ask, concerned-like.

"Well, I think we could have a processor problem.." he says concentrating on prying the element up.

..concentrating so much that he doesn't notice me plugging the iron in.

"Shouldn't you be wearing an earthing strap?" I ask innocently.

When he thinks I can't see, he creeps his hand over to the wiring frame and says "Well, It's just as easy to hold onto earth like this"

"But what about the risk of a cross-the-body shock with no resistor in series with you?" I ask ever-so-more-innocently

"Oh, it's ok" he says "the unit's unplug..."

click< >BZZZZZZZEEERRT!< >clunk!<

I ring the maintenance help-desk again...

It's Rhonda

"Hey Ronda!, Ah, I'm going to need another engineer and a new Waffle Iron
over here; for some reason your engineer opened up my Waffle Iron without switching it off." I say

Rhonda knows me. It's the third call and the third appeasement engineer this year. You'd think they'd learn.

"You're a real prick" she says, annoyed

"Tell ya what Rhonda, why don't you come and fix it; it's a Model Three..."

Google "BOFH Archive" to read the rest of the series (plan a day)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I couldn't kil the quoted text; someone might've missed it earlier. . .

I have a bulletin on the BBS for those who might be thinking that being
a Sysop is all glory. It'd be nice if it was that way.

Rhonda knows me. It's the third call and the third appeasement engineer this year. You'd think they'd learn.

My favorite was the one where the high school kids wants access to "the
adult file area" for a high school sex education project". My response??
Nice try. <G>

Daryl

... Definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out; insert new bugs.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)

I have a bulletin on the BBS for those who might be thinking that being
a Sysop is all glory. It'd be nice if it was that way.

... "it's only a hobby, only a hobby, only a hobby, only a hobby..." right?

Rhonda knows me. It's the third call and the third appeasement

engineer

this year. You'd think they'd learn.

My favorite was the one where the high school kids wants access to "the adult file area" for a high school sex education project". My response?? Nice try. <G>

My high school librarian volmntarily gave me the key to the Forbidden Books Room, which held all the books publishers sent to him, thatt he school board didn't allow (like a full colour full detail French set of encyclopedias
about sex -- picture an illustrated(photos, not just drawings) Kama Sutra,
but more detailed. Also a college level botany textbook course on how to grow marijuana (back when it was illegal up here, too) with the highest THC, & various crude humour books (I liked them best, as a 13yo overeducated punk- wannabe)

We have our punny topic for today:

I couldn't get a reservation at the library.
They were completely booked.

Q: How does Santa keep his library organized?
A: Bookish elves

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.

There is a sign outside my local library that says 'Watch for Cars'
Its a pretty good deal

Q: Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?
A: Because the prose outweigh the cons.

Q: How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a flood?
A: Using the mildewey decimal system!

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

school board didn't allow (like a full colour full detail French set
of encyclopedias about sex -- picture an illustrated(photos, not just drawings) Kama Sutra, but more detailed. Also a college level botany textbook course on how to grow marijuana (back when it was illegal up here, too) with the highest THC, & various crude humour books (I liked them best, as a 13yo overeducated punk- wannabe)

You got an eyeful, I'm sure. <G>

I couldn't get a reservation at the library.
They were completely booked.

You may have to wait awhile.

Q: How does Santa keep his library organized?
A: Bookish elves

At each end as well.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

<SCREAM!> <G>

A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.

The only gin we have is oxygen and nitrogen.

There is a sign outside my local library that says 'Watch for Cars'
Its a pretty good deal

Jaywalkers will be run down and ticketed by police.

Q: Why is it a good idea to put more books in prison libraries?
A: Because the prose outweigh the cons.

It can be a real ballots-ing act at voting time.

Q: How do you find the right book in a library that was caught in a
flood? A: Using the mildewey decimal system!

You mold your selections into what you want.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's
there or not."

More than tongues are wagging about it.

Daryl

... Deja New: A feeling you've bought this product before.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's
there or not."

Already started sharing these two. LOL Thank you!




... Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary
--- MultiMail/Mac v0.52
* Origin: Omicron Theta * Southaven MS * winserver.org (1:116/18)

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

Already started sharing these two. LOL Thank you!

Those are good library jokes. I used to work in one. Wish I had seen
these back then! :D

Mike


* SLMR 2.1a * Software Independent: Won't work with ANY software.
--- SBBSecho 3.12-Linux
* Origin: capitolcityonline.net * Telnet/SSH:2022/HTTP (1:2320/105)

George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.
The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

Already started sharing these two. LOL Thank you!

Any time! That's kind of the point of this echo!

... Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary

Q: Whsa's another word for thesaurus?

That's usually an unanswered pun, as everoyone assumes tyhere can't be one,
but there is, I did my research cuz I hate unanswered questions.

A: a paralexicon

Actually, you can make your own -- the keyword to look up in Roget is "treasury" as that's what "thesaurus" means (no, it's not a dinosaur with a really good vocabulary)

English is one of my favorite topics for humour, as there's no limit:

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird,
And dead: it's said like bed, not bead -
For goodness sake don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt).
A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there's dose and rose and lose -
Just look them up - and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart -
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd mastered it when I was five!

I was working on a tagline series at one point:

tooth=teeth/booth=beeth? No? English sucks.
ox=oxen/box=boxes. Yup, English sucks.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)