R:190628/0622Z @:EA2RCF.EAVI.ESP.EU #:40108 [Vitoria] $:4429_GB7YEW R:190628/0620Z @:CX2SA.SAL.URY.SOAM #:8858 [Salto] FBB7.00e $:4429_GB7YEW R:190628/0614Z 23127@N9PMO.#SEWI.WI.USA.NOAM BPQ6.0.18
R:190628/0612Z 37430@KM8V.#CLE.OH.USA.NOAM LinBPQ6.0.16
R:190628/0612Z 4429@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18


As Grandmother used to say

When smoke descends, good weather ends

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-

In case of injury notify your superior immediately. He'll kiss it and make
it better.

--

The truth is what is; what should be is a dirty lie.
-- Lenny Bruce
--

Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
--

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately,
no one we know belongs.
--

If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don't want
hits the paper.

----
My sister had been ill so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old ni answered the phone 'Hello' she whispered. 'hi honey. How's your mother?' I aske 'She's sleeping' she answered again in a whisper. 'Did she go to the doctor?' I 'Yes. She got some medicine' my niece said softly. 'well don't wake her up. Jus her I called. What are you doing by the way?' Again in a soft whisper she answe
'Practicing my trumpet.'

-----------------------------------
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office woman rolled an elderly a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk the man sat alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him a li slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his han
the man 'she said 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller t ________________________________

As I was nursing my baby my cousin's six-year-old daughter Krissy came into the Never having seen anyone breast feed before she was intrigued and full of all k questions about what I was doing. After mulling over my answers she remarked 'M has some of those but I don't think she knows how to use them.' ___________________________ _____

Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter Carolyn I got a litt
'In ten years ' I said 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go w and swimming with me like you do now.' Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll b to do all those things anyway.'
________________________________

Working as a pediatric nurse I had the difficult assignment of giving immunizat children. One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her 'Nonono!' she screamed. 'Lizzie' scolded her mother' that's not polite behaviou the girl yelled even louder 'No thank you! No thank you! ________________________________

My wife left the car unattended for only a minute but it was long enough for ou old to climb in throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fi wasn't and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insuran After a pause the adjuster asked 'Do you let him drive often?' ________________________________

One afternoon while I was visiting my library I noticed a group of preschoolers story time. The book they were reading was There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed After the librarian finished the first page she asked the children 'Do you thin 'Nope' a little girl in the back said. 'I saw this last night on Fear Factor.'

------------------------------------


On a brutally humid day I walked past a miniature golf course and saw a dad fol small children from hole to hole. 'Who's winning?' I shouted. 'I am' said one k
another. 'Nome' yelled the third. Sweat dripping down his face the dad gasped' -----------------------------------

On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting my grandson asked my son the question. I know that babies come from mommies' tummies but how do they get there in the
he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile my grandson finally
in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up Dad. It's OK if you don't kno ________________________________

Just before I was deployed to Iraq I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke t
him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time' I told him. 'I'm going to Iraq ' ' 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?' ________________________________

Even though the toddler was having a furious tantrum his mom was unfazed. 'You give up on the crying' I heard her say as she led him to the store exit. 'You'r 18 years.'
________________________________

Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with c
and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife Joanne Woodward stopped by t lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table suspecting the young patient that Newman was a famous movie star explained 'That's the man who made this cam Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle? ' Blank stares. 'we seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How l ________________________________

Like all growing boys my teenage grandson Jermon was constantly hungry. I went refrigerator to find something he might like to eat. After poking around a bit
milk and juice cartons I spotted a bowl of leftover chili. 'Hey Jermon' I call He came running into the kitchen. 'Look! I found some chili.' Struggling to be 'If you're that surprised I'm not really sure I want it.' ________________________________

My last name is a mouthful so when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it until my cousin burst my bubble. 'You can spell Sczygelski any way you like' he 'Who's going to know if it's wrong?'
________________________________

For the first time my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to dental hygienist clean her teeth. She was accompanied by her grand-mother. When
came in I greeted them warmly seated Kelsey and as usual put on my gloves gogg mask. About ten minutes into the procedure she got scared and cried 'I want my ' I quickly pulled off my mask and said 'I am your mommy.' Without hesitating m yelled back 'Then I want my granny!'


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Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the differen



-------------



Traffic Polis in Glesga



"If any of you are contemplating a visit to the Glasgow area (applies all over)
in mind that the Scots language can be a trifle difficult to understand

The Glasgow, or more properly "Glesca", dialect is known to be extremely concis much can be said in so few words.

Consider for example, this exchange between a motorist and a Police Officer who
him in the Possilpark area. Translation is provided inside the brackets.

Police officer:
Yaw rite ? (are you feeling ill?)

Driver:
'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you)

Police officer:
Yeshoor? (are you entirely certain of that fact?)

Driver:

Aye. (yes)

Police officer:
Zisyoors? (are you the registered owner of this vehicle?)

Driver:
Zwitmine? (which vehicle are you referring to?)

Police officer:
Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated)


Driver:
Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband)

Police officer:
Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located ?)

Driver:
'Raboozers. (He is a guest of the local hostelry.)

Police officer:
Yebeen garglin'. (Have you partaken of any alcholic beverages, in the recent pa

Driver:
Jissa cupple. (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner

Police officer:
Yur stoatin'. (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the

Driver:
Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.)

Police officer:
Ye urstoatin'. (I believe that my initial observation is correct,and that you a


Driver:
Umnoe. (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.)

Police officer:
Geezyer licence. (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers

Driver:
'Vno goatwan. (I am not in possession of such a document.)

Police officer:
Geroot racaur (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.)

Driver:
Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?.)

Police officer:
'Mapolis. ( I am a member of the local police constabulary.)

Driver:
Ommygoad (I call upon the Supreme Being, to witness this moment of extreme dure

Police officer:
Geroot Ren. (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind t

Driver:

Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.)

Police officer:
Blawris up. (Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.)

Driver:
'Mgonny Besik. (I am not feeling too well and I believe that I am about to be v

Police officer:
Noanme Yurno. (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to the direction your

Driver:
'Mawrite Noo (Having ridden my digestive tract of an accumulation of nausea-ind I now feel better.)

Police officer:
GetniVan. (Please be kind enough to accept a short ride in the humble vehicle p by the local police.)

Driver:
Wer Wegaun? (May I be so forward as to make an enquiry as to our ultimate desti

Police officer:
Jail. (To my headquarters,where you will be incarcerated.)

Driver:
Ohmigoad, rawife'll murder me. (Once again I call upon the Supreme Being to wit turn of events. Incidentally, I must inform you that my spouse will take my lif

Police officer:
Getna Wagon. (May I offer you my assistance in climbing into the back of my veh

Driver:
Aw, Never again. Ratsit furme. (I have now learned a valuable lesson, and I her abstinence from all alcoholic beverages hence forth.)"



73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew






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